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Last week we told you the story of a guy who tried jerking off with a coconutwhich ended very badly End of story. Regardless, a bloke who goes by the Reddit username of FrostZephyr posted a 'Today I Fucked Up' story about how he tried to get a vaccum hose to

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Y ou know the drill. But do you really know? Of course not.

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Yes, the world feels like a never ending onslaught of crap, but within the malaise we still have to find little nuggets of joy. For me, that little nugget appeared in the form a type of sex toy I had never heard of before: an oral sex simulator for women with vulvas. These toys claim to utilize suction in a variety of ways to mimic the sensations a clitoris would feel during oral sex.

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Our customers have fallen in love, so naturally, I became curious. Some were larger than my head to the waistline in length and as girthy as 15 inches in circumference. I literally would need anesthetic and some sort of SAW movie restraint device to even attempt that. But the size was too much, so I had to skip it.

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Even though I was a freshman in high school, I had never heard anyone say the word fuck in a movie before. I'm Perfect, You're Doomed. When I was littleabout seven, I guessI remember getting in the car with my mother when she picked me up from school and telling her that Id seen the word fuck written on the handball court at the playground and I wanted to know what it meant. Wishful Drinking.

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Feature image of Free-Spiiirit in Alien-Pass! Sex: sometimes it is weird or gross or embarrassing or everything at once. Vaginas sometimes make fart noises during sex.

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